May I please be excused?

I am a strong proponent of the after-six white tablecloth rule. No child should be in a restaurant with white tablecloths after six p.m. After all, there are a million other viable options out there. The market is saturated with "Family Friendly" venues, boasting healthy kiddo cuisine at reasonable prices. Some even go so far as to provide an incentive (or as I like to call it-a bargaining chocolate chip.) Since dessert is reserved for birthdays or company dinners at the Hello house, my children relish the idea of sweet treat at the end of a meal out, or rather they expect it as a reward for decent behavior and a mostly eaten meal.

That being said, there have been times, when even at a family sanctioned restaurants, we have offended. Most recently, this past week at the little Italian eatery down the road. And for your inconvenience, I offer the following letter of apology:

Dear Mr. Offended,
I saw the look of terror in your eyes the moment the waitress asked, "Will this be OK?" Really, you could have said, "No, could you please seat us in the love nest next to the kitchen door?" But you said yes. And with that one word, sealed your fate for the next 34 minutes.

Honestly, my three year old knows better than to get out of his chair during a meal. I reprimanded him both times. It's just that he's never heard a cell phone ring to the tune of "Funky Cold Medina" and he thought it was kind of, well, dance-worthy. If your conversation was at all interrupted due to the commotion he caused, I am sorry.

And as for the inappropriately too long stares of my five year old daughter, well, she really did think that your date(?) was beautiful. She even ventured to ask me if, when she got older she could have a tattoo and wear purple lipstick. For the gawking, I apologize.

And lastly, for the ghastly and much too loud announcement, "Mom, I need to poop." I apologize. We have been working on our 'inside voices' now for a while, still obviously not perfected. My apologies.

I hope you were able to enjoy the remainder of your meal after we left. And just so you know, my children thought you were fabulous, even though I wished you'd have been somewhere else, maybe a restaurant with dim lighting and a nice white tablecloth.

Sincerely,
Marcy Hello