Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

It goes like this............ First I hear a 'THUNK' and then an interval of silence. I freeze. Using my finely honed auditory powers I wait for the cry/shriek that is sure to follow. It does. I determine it to be of the 'I'm down' variety. Faster than you can say 'sibling' I spring into action. Down the hall and onto the scene of the crime. To my dismay, there is already a superhero in charge! Not wanting to undermine his authority I step back.

He questions the two parties with all the diplomacy and civility of a child psychologist.

'Did you hit him?'

'Did she hit you?'

'What happened?'

'No daddy....I didn't!'

And then this........

'Tell me the TRUTH'

'I am telling the TRUTH!'

'I'll give you a ....'

But before he can finish his sentence he is ensnared in my telepathic gaze. My message...'So now we are bribing her into telling the truth?????' As he stands there sensing the incoming telepathy, I opportunistically step in to squelch this phenomenon that can only be called Quantum Lying.

It happens in a millisecond. The original lie grows at an exponential rate, mushrooming into a cloud of monolithic proportions.

My interrogation techniques are not sympathetic. There are no NATO guidelines to insure that the culprit is presumed innocent until proven guilty.

'You hurt your brother!'

'Now tell him you're sorry for hurting him and give him a hug!'

And poof, the situation is diffused. As the dust settles and the sky clears, I scan the room for hard evidence to bolster my intuition that I had so quickly acted on. It could have been the solid wooden building block or even the hard plastic red flute that was the weapon of choice. We may never know. I decide that no further investigation is needed.

Case closed. My job here is done. Just another day in the life of a superhero.

Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive! - Sir Walter Scott
"Don't lie or your nose will grow!" - Mom


Uberchik said...

Brava! Well done.


Anonymous said...

I think CSI or the FBI could use your talents! Just remember what I have always believed......children and lies are like mice.........for every one you discover there are probably 10 more in hiding. I always say, just let them stay in hiding! Who needs to know EVERYTHING! Great writing! From Blooming Boomer!

Uberchik said...

TY 4 introducing me to Mom Logic. Love it!

PS: I still have my wooden Pinocchio doll from 1st grade. It had 2 noses that screwed on. The shorter one is long gone. I only have the longer one now.

My father use to tell me Pinocchio stories at bedtime. Always a different episode which he ad libbed.

marlene said...

I could see and hear it all and I'm laughing!! Thanks for yet another entertaining story.....you're writing is terrific!

Moose Coming May 27th!!